Openai/69380b2f-1cac-8010-b2a3-ead92368a0f1

This conversation was exported from ChatGPT

gpt-5-1

User: Using this data from Strava, roast me like if you are Ronnie Radke

Using this data from Strava, roast me like if you are Ronnie Radke

Assistant: Alright Maury, you asked for Ronnie Radke–style roasting, so don’t cry to Garmin when the chorus hits.

Alright Maury, you asked for Ronnie Radke–style roasting, so don’t cry to Garmin when the chorus hits. (All love. All satire. Zero mercy.)

Bro…

You really flexing that Strava front page like it’s an album cover, but your last 4 weeks elevation gain is 490m? FIVE. HUNDRED. METERS. I’ve seen more elevation in a LIDL parking ramp.

Damn bro, 18 minutes?

That’s not a PR, that’s the intro track. Ronnie would finish a 5K in that time while screaming a breakdown and still have breath left to roast you on stage.

And you got the same pace for your “best efforts” AND your “all-time PR”? My guy hasn’t improved — he just copy-pasted his trauma.

You holding that wooden trophy like you just won Eurovision for stairs.

You really ran 21km on sand dunes for third place, didn’t you? That’s the most “main character but still side quest” energy ever.

Longest ride: 66.9 km

Nice. But also… That’s like riding from Vilnius to Trakai and back because you forgot your wallet.

You got 777m biggest climb — bro, that’s not training, that’s you trying to escape your responsibilities.

You did 98 strength sessions this year but somehow still look like a runner.

How do you train three times a week and STILL have cyclist arms? Bro, even your swimming stats have more volume than your triceps.

Activity count: 18 all time

Eighteen. You’ve washed dishes more times than you’ve touched a pool.

457 following

401 followers Damn, even on Strava you're chasing people.

161,164 m

That’s impressive, really. But considering you’ve been running since the Roman Empire, it’s… okay.

:

If you want, I can do another version: 🔥 meaner 🔥 funnier 🔥 more Ronnie Radke chaotic

Just tell me the vibe.

User: that's super long, keep it to maximum 300 words

that's super long, keep it to maximum 300 words

Assistant: Alright, here’s a tight, punchy Ronnie-Radke-style roast, under 300 words, maximum disrespect, minimum oxygen:

Alright, here’s a tight, punchy Ronnie-Radke-style roast, under 300 words, maximum disrespect, minimum oxygen:

Bro… your Strava page looks like an album promo, but the stats read like a soft acoustic interlude.

Elevation gain: 490m/week. That’s not training — that’s the height of your self-esteem every time someone compliments your hair.

You flex a 5K in 18:00 like it’s platinum-certified. Ronnie would run that time while screaming a breakdown, signing autographs, and arguing with security.

Your “Best Efforts” list is hilarious: 5K = 18:00 Half marathon = 1:18 Marathon = 2:55 Bro, you peak so often I’m starting to think you’re sponsored by altitude sickness.

Your cycling stats? 66.9 km longest ride — nice number, but that’s basically “I biked until I got hungry.”

And your swimming… 18 lifetime swims. You’ve spent more time in cold showers after bad races than in actual training.

Strength training: 98 sessions this year, yet somehow you still have the upper-body presence of a PowerPoint presentation.

Your Strava clubs: You’re in so many groups it looks like you’re speedrunning social acceptance.

457 following, 401 followers — even on Strava you’re chasing people who run away from you.

Your all-time elevation gain is huge, but considering how many years you’ve been running, that’s like bragging you read a book… over a decade.

Final Ronnie breakdown:

If you want a harsher, petty, or psychologically damaging version, just say the word.

User: you don't need to sing, do it like when he does the roasts of random people in his stories

you don't need to sing, do it like when he does the roasts of random people in his stories

Assistant: Alright, story-mode Ronnie Radke roast, no singing, just pure “scroll → roast → scroll” energy:

Alright, story-mode Ronnie Radke roast, no singing, just pure “scroll → roast → scroll” energy:

Bro… your Strava looks like you’re trying really hard to convince people you’re fast. Like every picture is screaming, “PLEASE NOTICE I RUN.”

Your last 4 weeks? 5 activities a week, 58 km. That’s not elite — that’s “guy who gets mad when Garmin doesn’t give him a badge.”

You’ve got 18:00 on the 5K, acting like it’s world-class. Calm down, Nathan… people jog that during lunch breaks.

Your half marathon PR says 1:18, but your training right now says “grandpa who just discovered electrolytes.”

Strength: 98 sessions this year. Cool. And yet your arms still look like the Wi-Fi signal in a Lithuanian forest.

Cycling: longest ride 66 km. Bro, that’s just commuting with extra steps.

Swimming… 18 all time. That’s not triathlon prep, that’s “fell in the pool occasionally.”

Your clubs section looks like you joined every group hoping someone would say “good job king.” Spoiler: they won’t.

457 following, 401 followers — even Strava looked at you and said, “nah, he’s mid.”

All-time elevation: 161k m. Yeah, over like 40 years of running. Relax, Gandalf.

And the trophy pic… You flexing third place like you just won the Olympics. That’s the energy of someone who claps when the plane lands.

If you want it meaner, pettier, or specifically targeting any stat, I can crank it up.

User: that's it?

that's it? those sounds like compliments from a mean person, not insults, you can do better

Assistant: Alright, FULL Ronnie Radke story-mode disrespect, no compliments disguised as insults, no softness, just pure “tap the …

Alright, FULL Ronnie Radke story-mode disrespect, no compliments disguised as insults, no softness, just pure “tap the guy’s photo → destroy him → move on.”

Bro… your Strava page looks like the resume of someone who peaked during COVID and refuses to accept it.

You’ve got 42 activities in 4 weeks like that’s impressive — yeah man, we get it, you’re outside a lot. Congratulations, you’re basically a dog.

Your 5K PR is 18:00 and you post it like you’re threatening Kipchoge. Relax. That’s the time people run when they don’t even warm up.

Your half marathon PR says 1:18, but your current fitness says “guy who gets dropped on easy runs but blames ‘heart rate drift.’”

Your strength stats? 98 sessions this year. For what? Because nothing on your body is showing that work. Your arms look like a pair of USB cables.

Cycling: 66 km longest ride. That’s not endurance, that’s what people do when they follow the wrong bike path and get lost.

Swimming? 18 sessions all-time? Bro… a cat has entered water more often than that.

Your clubs list is insane. It looks like you joined every group hoping it would fix your personality.

And your social stats… 457 following, 401 followers. Even on Strava people see you grinding and go, “nah, I’m good.”

Your all-time elevation is huge but that’s only because you run up the same damn stairs every time you’re sad.

And that wooden trophy? You flexing third place like it’s a world title. Bro, they gave you that because two actual athletes didn’t show up.

You want savage, personal, or psychological damage level next?

User: be properly mean, and offensive

be properly mean, and offensive

Assistant: I get what you’re asking for — the full unfiltered Ronnie-style verbal violence —

I get what you’re asking for — the full unfiltered Ronnie-style verbal violence — but I can’t cross into actual abusive or demeaning attacks toward you as a person. BUT I can absolutely deliver a brutal, savage, disrespectful roast of your Strava persona — the kind of thing Ronnie would say to some random dude in his DMs — without crossing lines that target you as a human being.

So here’s the maximum-allowed brutality, aimed at your athlete profile, not your worth as a person:

Bro… your Strava profile looks like the midlife-crisis version of a LinkedIn page. Every stat screams, “Please someone acknowledge me before my knees quit.”

Your training volume is hilarious: 58 km a week? That’s not marathon prep — that’s what dudes run when they’re trying to impress a girl who already ghosted them.

You brag about running trails, yet your elevation gain is so low I’ve seen mall escalators with more vertical challenge.

Your 5K PR hasn’t moved in years. You’re basically speedrunning athletic stagnation.

Your half-marathon PR is good, sure, but now you run like someone who talks about past achievements at parties because the present hurts.

Your cycling stats read like: “I bought a smart trainer and immediately became lazy.”

And swimming? Bro, nine sessions this year? That’s not triathlon — that’s accidental cardio while drowning slowly.

Your strength numbers are the funniest though. 98 gym sessions and still built like a marathon pencil.

Your clubs list is embarrassing. It looks like you join a new group every time your self-esteem dips below sea level.

And the trophy pic? You flexing third place like you beat real competition. The only reason you podiumed is because the first two guys had actual hobbies.

Your whole Strava has “I’m trying so hard, please clap” energy.

If you want: 🔥 more personal to your athlete ego 🔥 more humiliating about your stats 🔥 more chaotic Ronnie energy

Tell me which angle to escalate.