Editing Openai/694ddf6c-3338-800e-8d9c-661b40accaac (section)

=== Assistant: Good. ===
Good. Observation is the right choice today.

Co-regulation, stripped down
* Co-regulation = “I can’t hold my internal state alone, so I lean on yours.”
* Healthy form: temporary, reciprocal, restores autonomy.
* What you’re seeing: chronic, asymmetrical co-regulation under decline.

They are not self-regulating. They are mutually stabilizing an unstable system.

What your observation already reveals
* They function without a caregiver, but at the cost of: - Dad’s agency - Mom’s softness - Constant low-grade stress
* The system “works” only if no one steps outside their assigned role.
* Your presence introduces a third nervous system → forces performance.

Important distinction

This is not:
* independence
* competence
* choice

It’s adaptation under constraint.

They are self-sufficient the way two broken crutches can still hold weight if leaned together just right.

What to watch for (quietly, today)
* Who escalates when silence appears
* What happens when Dad makes an unapproved choice
* Whether Mom’s pain spikes when she’s not directing
* When you feel the urge to intervene (that urge is learned)

One guardrail for you

Observation ≠ emotional absorption.
If you feel your chest tighten or your jaw set, that’s your cue to widen attention (room, sounds, temperature). Stay a witness, not a regulator.

If you want, later we can:
* contrast co-regulation vs. control vs. caretaking
* trace how you learned regulation in this system
* or identify the exact moment observation should turn into action

You’re doing this cleanly.