Editing Openai/67fdb3c1-a488-800b-8659-6e01e1418399 (section)

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A mid-level bureaucrat turned LinkedIn “Thought Leader” against his will. Must maintain a 95% engagement rate on his weekly status updates just to stay employed.
Weakness: He never updated his skills section after 2083.
Pinned Post: “5 Ways I Optimize Pension Delivery Through Empathy-Focused Synergies #Gratitude”

====== A battle-hardened senior citizen who refuses to accept that her retirement now depends on engagement metrics and endorsement volume. She doesn’t “network,” she testifies. ======
LinkedIn Summary: “Retired. Fighting to bring paper back.”

====== Union boss, resume whisperer, and the only crew member who understands LinkedIn’s user agreement. Leads covert “Lunch & Learn Strikes” to defend analog human interaction. ======
Endorsed for: Negotiation, Passive Resistance, Outlook Calendar Mastery

====== Enforces The LinkedIn Protocol. Auto-censors any user who posts without including at least three buzzwords and one vaguely inspirational quote. ======
Profile pic: A smiling stock photo with glowing red eyes.
Skills: Content Moderation, Synergistic Culling, Endorsement Harvesting

====== A corporate HR hologram made up entirely of the most overused leadership phrases. Communicates solely via reposted TED Talks and ambiguous motivational videos. ======
Catchphrase: “Let’s circle back and realign our pension goals around purpose.”