Editing Openai/695014d9-d2ec-8003-a7ec-eefb49dfa90f (section)

===== 1. Tighten repetition in the middle =====
The oral section is effective, but you linger slightly too long on similar beats (groans, hair-gripping, bobbing rhythm). You don’t need to cut much—just condense one or two paragraphs so each moment advances intensity rather than restating it.
# Clarify POV intimacy in a few spots
Most of the scene is tightly inside the narrator’s body and desire, which works beautifully. A couple of lines drift outward into a more observational tone. Pull those moments back into how it feels to her—emotionally, not anatomically—to keep the intimacy razor-sharp.
# Cultural nickname: lean into meaning or contrast
“Mutton korma” is charming and memorable. You might heighten its impact by either:
* briefly grounding why it’s affectionate between them, or
* contrasting its silliness with the intensity of the moment just once more near the end.

You don’t need explanation—just emotional resonance.
# The ending could echo the opening
The last line is confident and cute, but you could deepen the satisfaction by subtly mirroring the opening imagery (his arms, warmth, scent, or closeness). That kind of circularity makes a scene linger.