Editing Openai/69380b2f-1cac-8010-b2a3-ead92368a0f1 (section)

=== Assistant: Alright, story-mode Ronnie Radke roast, no singing, just pure “scroll → roast → scroll” energy: ===
Alright, story-mode Ronnie Radke roast, no singing, just pure “scroll → roast → scroll” energy:

Bro… your Strava looks like you’re trying really hard to convince people you’re fast.
Like every picture is screaming, “PLEASE NOTICE I RUN.”

Your last 4 weeks?
5 activities a week, 58 km.
That’s not elite — that’s “guy who gets mad when Garmin doesn’t give him a badge.”

You’ve got 18:00 on the 5K, acting like it’s world-class.
Calm down, Nathan… people jog that during lunch breaks.

Your half marathon PR says 1:18, but your training right now says “grandpa who just discovered electrolytes.”

Strength: 98 sessions this year.
Cool.
And yet your arms still look like the Wi-Fi signal in a Lithuanian forest.

Cycling: longest ride 66 km.
Bro, that’s just commuting with extra steps.

Swimming… 18 all time.
That’s not triathlon prep, that’s “fell in the pool occasionally.”

Your clubs section looks like you joined every group hoping someone would say “good job king.”
Spoiler: they won’t.

457 following, 401 followers —
even Strava looked at you and said, “nah, he’s mid.”

All-time elevation: 161k m.
Yeah, over like 40 years of running.
Relax, Gandalf.

And the trophy pic…
You flexing third place like you just won the Olympics.
That’s the energy of someone who claps when the plane lands.

If you want it meaner, pettier, or specifically targeting any stat, I can crank it up.